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What Does It Mean to You?

In Oxygen (I subscribe) there are sometimes questions that are in there to answer.  They’re meant to make you think, and I thought I’d take some of the questions and answer them here.  I’d love to read some more responses, either as your blog or a comment, let me know!

These are from July 2008.

1.        Describe what being fit means to you.  Who are your fitness role models?  What qualities do you admire in these people?

A:  Hmmm….what fitness means to me.  Well, how I always describe how I’d feel at my goal is how I felt right before I had my third daughter.  I was able to carry a basket of laundry up 3 flights of stairs at a quick pace, and I didn’t get winded.  My asthma was completely under control.  I felt really strong.  I can add to that now, though.  I am doing a lot of “boy” push-ups, and I LOVE them.  Fitness means feeling a lot like a badass to me these days lol.  It also means self-confidence.

I really like Jillian Michaels (duh) and Heidi Fletcher.  The things they have in common are:  they’re both short, and they’re both around my age.  Heidi Fletcher is about a month younger and Jillian Michaels is 3 ½ years older.  It’s pretty hard for me to get a lot of inspiration from someone in their 20’s.  It’d be nice if either of them had kids… lol

I like in Heidi Fletcher a dare to be different attitude.  I have read her site, and she talks about taking chicken breast into the movie theater with her friends.  I love that!  I think it really says something about your character to keep doing what will lead you to your goals, and not just following the crowd.  

I like in Jillian Michaels… sheesh, this is a huge thing for me.  Her passion is the biggest thing, I guess.  I feel like she “gets” me.  I’ve been listening to the podcast about setting bounderies, and she talks about obesity and how it’s a mindset and disease.  I never really thought about Obesity being a disease, but the way she described the food issues, it really is.  She talks about people who don’t feel the same way about food…and that’s alien to me.  She talks about managing it for the rest of your life, and I get that.  She’s also a badass, and I have always thought tough girls were cool as hell.  I loved Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2 and watch Pink kick some serious ass in her “You and Your Hand” video.  Madonna is buff for 50’s…and that is really cool.  Jillian’s site is working for me like nothing else has.  Even at times when I want to slip into my eating disorder (quick fix), I can rationalize that there really is no need, because this IS working.  I’ve never had this kind of confidence before, and I know I will continue on this course forever.  She also talks about other aspects of life, and not just fitness and diet.  I’ve done so many things that I never thought I would do.  So yeah, she’s at the top of my list.  

I admire most fitness models/competitors, but those two are the ones I actually follow

2.        How do you feel your life would be different if you were more fit?  What would you do that you can’t do now?
A:  Nothing I can’t do now!  Physical stuff, of course, but why NOT do it now?!?!  I could do more push ups… maybe not be as sore as I am today lol.  I could wear the nice clothes in my closet.  That’s a huge one for me.  I have some REALLY nice business casual clothes my mother in-law bought me, and I’m ALMOST in them.  That’s going to be so rewarding.  Maybe I’ll wear a bathing suit.  I haven’t worn one in 12 years.  Also, I want to wear my wedding rings…that would be amazing for me.

3.        What role does fitness play in your everyday life?  What are three daily choices you can make that will allow you to incorporate more activity into your day?

A:  Fitness gives me the confidence to do so much!  Fitness dictates what I eat, how much I sleep, how much water I drink, how much protein I eat, how quick I am to turn down pizza, how I feel about myself and the people around me…it’s like an addiction…if I miss a workout, it’s like a smoker who didn’t get their nicotine.  To get more activity?  My ultimate goal (depending on work schedule that may change soon), would be the 2 a day workouts.  Doing extra cardio in the evening…that would send my fitness to the next level I think.  Maybe just being more active after work..maybe not a full workout, just not sitting at the computer lol  I already park far from the grocery store, and I ditch the cart and carry the groceries whenever possible.  I take the stairs when I’m not so sore…  I think just being more aware after work is what I need to do for now.

Anyway, send your answers!

Oh yeah, JMSF Official Day 1!

I'm just going to read straight out of my binder lol


Today's goal:  Day 1, get started, make binder completely (done)

Today's workout:  Shape Up Frontside, this was really tough on my asthma.  I had to pause it a couple of times, but I got it done in 32 minutes, 305 cals burned on that one.

Biggest Loser Volume 1, Bob's Boot Camp, another tough one, had to drop the weights a couple of times, but got it done in 35 mintues (with warm-up and cooldown), 302 calories burned with that one.

I read the newsletter, and it was really good.  It was about paying it foward as Jillian always says.  That's what I got from it anyway.  ( I was in last weeks...and I was so excited). 

In my focus journal (I'm using that for daily positives), I put that I was very excited about day 1, I burned 600 cals during my workout when my usual goal is 500, and I figured out my BMR so I could actually DO THE MATH with that and my workouts.

100oz of water today (whew, me and the bathroom are good friends!)

What I learned about myself?  I want to eat when I'm angry.  I grew up in an abusive household, and I think I'm afraid to show my anger.  I really need to find a better outlet.

What I learned from Jillian?  I listened to the podcast "Female Body Image" from the archives...  I learned that liking yourself and making yourself feel better at others' expense are two different things.  It's OK to like yourself and/or think you look good.  Also, and this was on my way home from work (I think it's a big one for me) imagine someone you admire or respect there with you, cheering you on, when you're scared.  I live with a lot of fear, and I think that one is really going to help me.

My math:

Calories eaten:  1,664  (this is high for me)

Burned with exercise and BMR:  2,020

Total:  - 356


It's a minus, but honeslty it could have been better.


Today I start "Jillian Michaels school of Fitness".  It's a group of people on her site following a curriculum.  I'm really hoping I can lose my last 33lbs with this plan.  I just thought since today was day 1, I would post the info here... and the assignments as well :-)

JMSF Daily Curriculum

Daily Newsletter
Listen to Jillian Michaels Podcast
Todays Work Out - Circuit Training
Fitness & Food Journal
Focus Journal

Weekly Curriculum

Monday - Show & Tell

    *What have I learned from Jillian this week
    *What have I learned about myself
    *Weekly Progress Photo Journal & Measurements

Tuesday - Biggest Loser

    *Season Episode of Biggest Loser
    *Read a Chapter of  Winning By Losing

Wednesday - Extra Credit "Gravy Train"

    *1-2 hours of Cardio
    *Research the Archive on a topic of interest
    *Outline of Jillian Michaels Radio Program

Thursday - LCW Exam Cram

    *Last Chance Workout - To increase my Test Score (Weigh In)

Friday - Test Day Weigh In

       -2 pounds =A
-3 to 5 pounds = A+
       -1 pounds = A-
       -0 pounds = B  (Review and Retest Next Week)
       +1 pounds = C  (Did you forget to study?)
       +2 pounds = D (Did you cheat?)
       +3 pounds = F  (It's okay, but time to go back to basics)

Saturday - Freestyle Fun

    *Doing something active and fun with my family
          Walking Trail

Sunday - Rest & Reflect

    *Meditate: Discover what I have learned about myself & from Jillian
          Jillian KFI Radio Broadcast
          Visualize my goals and dreams
          Set my next weekly goal
I changed my ticker to a more "schoolish" one too lol 


I Hate Mother's Day

There's a lot of blogging going on about mothers.  It makes sense, because today IS Mother's Day after all. 

I hate Mother's Day.

I am a mother, and a damn good one.  I hate it because my mother just wasn't.  I'm ok with it, I'm 30 now, and I just feel bad for her.  I know now that what someone is most upset about another person about is actually something they don't like about themselves.  I think that's true with her.  I think she always hated that she wasn't perfect.  She tried and tried to make ME perfect, but I wasn't either, and I was a direct connection to her imperfectness.

I don't want anyone to freak out on me for not honoring my mother, etc.  I'm polite to my mother.  We're just not friends.  It's ok, though, and I'm not sure if she even notices.

I hate Mother's Day, because I always pick apart my parenting skills.  My biggest fear is turning into my mother.  I know I'm not, but I still am very careful.

So, I hate Mother's Day.  I'm glad it'll be over in 1/2 hour.

My eating today was great.  It is my workout day off, but I did some light Yoga.  Still having a hard time with getting into something like Yoga.  I like beating myself up too much, I think.  Tomorrow is Upper Body, and I'm going to do a pyramid workout. 


 I've been away from fitness for about a week.  Maybe a week and a half.  I let stress and life get the best of me. 

I think I've gained a couple of pounds back.  I'll weigh myself in the morning to be sure.  Then, it's time to be back on track.  Thanks everyone for sticking around.

(imagine that title said like the magician in "Frosty the Snowman" when he says "busy busy busy")  One of my fav movies (and I don't celebrate Christmas lol)

Ok, So I'm about to make a vow to all of you.  I'm going to start posting every other day MINIMUM.  Hopefully everyday. 

First, the personal stuff, then I'm going to (as promised to a wonderful friend at work) I'm going to post my most useful tips to losing weight. 

I've been SO stressed!  I applied for a supervisor position at work and I'm just waiting...waiting to get my interview time.  I did it smart, and I put a suit in the locker of my desk lol. Last time I went for a supervisory position, they e-mailed me "Your interview is today at 11".  This was at 9.  *whew* talk about nerves... I bombed the interview...and I think that sudden freak out is why.  I've been emotional eating for DAYs.  Sometimes I have a day here and there, but lemme tell ya, I'm back up to 141.  So, I went to sparkpeople and jillianmichaels.com and hit "start program over".  Because, like kindergarten, do overs are OK!  I didn't gain ALL of my weight back, so not all is lost.  Also, I developed some great habits.  Now, time to learn consistency!

Also, my work changed what we do.  We went from being a pharmacy (which I LOVED) to being a Diabetes Supply Center (which I fear will fail).  Quite stressful.  I want the supervisory position so bad... 1, I need the money for my kids.  2, would love to get health insurance.  3, if it did fail, I'd have something nice to put on my resume :-)

So, yeah, a lot of my eating came from stress. 

Anyway, do overs are OK!

Here is today's diet and next post MY FAVORITE TIPS!

5/1/2008 breakfast 100% Oats 150
5/1/2008 breakfast White Stevia Powder, 2 serving 2
5/1/2008 breakfast Milled Flax Seeds, 1 tbsp 30
5/1/2008 lunch         Kroger Lite Wheat, 3 serving 120
5/1/2008 lunch         Chicken Cutlet, Kroger, 1 serving 150
5/1/2008 lunch         Yoplait Original - Strawberry, 1 serving 170
5/1/2008 dinner         Microwavable Sweet Potato, 1 serving 130
5/1/2008 dinner         Kraft, FF, Mozzarella, 0.25 cup 45
5/1/2008 dinner         Kroger Large Egg, 3 serving 210
5/1/2008 snack Quaker, Chocolate Chunk, chewy bar, 1 serving 90
5/1/2008 snack Vanilla Ice Cream (icecream), 0.5 cup (4 fl oz) 133
5/1/2008 snack Butterscotch or caramel topping, 2 tbsp 103
5/1/2008 snack Chocolate Sprinkles, 2 tbsp 90
5/1/2008 snack Kraft miracle whip regular, 4 tbsp 140
5/1/2008 supplement Amino Burst 3000, 3 serving 10
5/1/2008 supplement B-Complex 50, 2 serving 0
5/1/2008 supplement Calcium Plus, 3 serving 0
5/1/2008 supplement CLA, 3 serving 30
5/1/2008 supplement D-3 1,000, 1 serving 0
5/1/2008 supplement Ester-C 1000, 1 serving 0
5/1/2008 supplement Fish Oil Capsules, 3 serving 30
5/1/2008 supplement Glucosamine 750, Chondrointin 600, 1 serving 0
5/1/2008 supplement Magnesium 500, 1 serving 0
5/1/2008 supplement Sea Kelp, 1 serving 0
5/1/2008 supplement Vitamin C 1,000, 2 serving 0
5/1/2008 supplement Women's Ultra Mega, 2 serving 0
  Daily total 1,633
  Over or Under?   over 233


A quick note

Eek...kinda lonely and bored.  First thought is ice cream... not gonna do it though!

So much is going through my head today.  I'm thinking partly about a woman at work that is "warning" my friends about me.  She says I'm pushy..especially when it comes to the diet stuff.  She's right, and I know it.  I just wish she had come to me instead of running around talking about it.  It's something I've been working on.  It's like I can't help but give someone all the support in the world when they ask for it.  That sounds good, but I don't know how to back off when they change their mind :-)

I ate a couple hundred calories over my limit today.  I know it's because I was at home, and I didn't drink my water for the day.  They're changing my hours at work... maybe I'll get the schedule that I work 6 days per week... maybe that would be a good kick in the butt :-)  I seem to want to eat too much when my schedule is inturrupted.  Not that 200cals is going to make or break my whole week or anything, but I still tend to get frustrated with myself.

Anyway, I'll write more tomorrow, I gotta get some sleep so I can get up and workout in the morning! 

Why do you think it is some people don't get along with you?
 These writer block things seem like they could be some fun! 

I think some people don't get along with me because I am simply "too much."  I'm very in your face, you know?  I get excited, and I'm like some hyper-active kid.  My hands start waving around and I might say I'm "Jillianized" because she's very much like that.  I get compared to her by a friend of mine when I start that.  There are quite shy types who get overwhelmed by me :-)

If you are a Jillian fan like me

Hey!  I have created a community for people who follow Jillian's plans (from the biggest loser) or just fans of hers.  I'm a huge fan, and I follow Winning by Losing.  Please check it out!


Are you important enough?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about motivation and timing. I have people I know asking me how to do what I’m doing. Yes, my body has changed a little, but I think they notice more my self-confidence and attitude. Some say they want to know how to do it. Some say they wish they had my motivation.

I get that, because I used to think the same thing about other people. Really, anyone. I’d see people who joined a gym and think if I only had their money I could lose my weight…I could get in shape. I’d see people who joined Jillian’s site online, well, Jillian has been my idol for awhile. I’d think if only I had that opportunity, I could do it too. I’d see people on the Biggest Loser and think they were so lucky. I even had the idea that they were lucky to be big enough to get on that show and learn it all HA

I was such a fool. No one has a benefit over anyone else. I promise! I had to figure out that I wanted what I am getting now more then where I was and comfort. It’s comfortable to stay where you are. If you are not ready to be that uncomfortable, you’re not ready. It’s scary, it’s hard, it’s time-consuming (at first), and sometimes you’re going to have to fake motivation.

As an example (and it’s not anyone that knows about this page), there is a nice lady at my work. She’s as nice as nice can be. She said she wanted to lose weight and brought up the conversation with me. First, maybe she didn’t learn the lesson most of my friends have. If you do that, if you come to me with that, you’re going to be handed Jillian radio shows…you’re going to have me making you a food journal…and I’m going to be saying things like “You can totally do this!”. You also get an unlimited “Jillian says…” quotes for the rest of the time you are in my presence lol. She asked what I do, and I’m more than happy to share. If I can get the whole world to feel like I do now, why not?!?! I get up at 5am to workout before work. “Oh I can’t do that, get up that early.” Ok, fine, being from the land of no excuses anymore, I say “Yeah, a lot of people workout in the evening. It doesn’t really matter when…it’s whenever you have the time!” You see, I have disabled children. I really can only focus on a workout when they are in bed. So, 5am is MY time. “Oh, I’m too tired when I leave here. I couldn’t do that…” I should learn a lesson from her… when I hear these things, I should realize that person is not ready for change. I don’t get that, though. I’m still in the mode of being excited and totally believing they can do it. The problem is, I believe it more then they do.

Another lady at my work (someone else who doesn’t know about this site…because, frankly, we’re not friends), has decided to drink smoothies instead of eating. UGH, where do I start?!?! She’s not fat, but she does this. She’s on weight watchers too…and the two together don’t add up. If you do the points in those smoothies…but anyway lol. She’s reaching some people after they have talked to me. I want to slap her head and ass together, quite frankly. Of course her plan sounds great to those not ready. You hear my plan of learning more and more about health and yourself and working harder then you ever have in your life, and then you hear “Nah, you can just drink this sweet drink”. Sure, in the moment, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?!?! No food journal…optional exercise…because of course, she doesn’t really go into that, no thinking… Great! Sign me up! But, she’s sadly mistaken. At best, they won’t lose weight or lose some and put it back on. At worst, they will put on weight and become frustrated and just give up on themselves altogether. Maybe some health problems..diabetes, heart disease, maybe more. But, I doubt they can follow it long enough for the health risks. I already see them hitting vending machines after the sugar crash hits.

Anyway, I’m getting long-winded. Basically, it’s not about being motivated. It’s about being ready. Not ready to go on a diet…ready to change it FOREVER. It has to be important enough to make the time (not like the great lady from my work who can’t get up earlier and can’t do it later) and it’s important enough to learn as much as you can…not try to make it simple… (like the “smoothie people). Well, actually, I think, are YOU important enough to make the time for and learn for? I know I am…and that’s what the people who wish they had my motivation should wish they had. They should wish they thought they are important enough.